How to Overcome fear of rejection – Secret Sauce
All of us have a little bit of fear… every time I get on the stage to give a speech I experience a bit of fear of rejection. Every time, I share the story of my journey from being a domestic violence victim to a motivational speaker and coach, I feel vulnerable. Every time I share my videos I have a moment of fear when I worry if people will understand my point of view or not.
Let’s jump into it. Listen very closely… I am about to share deep stuff on how to deal with the fear of failure…. 3 magic words… Just do it. OK, OK, I know it’s Nike’s brand line.. but I actually mean it… just do it… Just be ready to fail and then only you can succeed. This is exactly what I do…I have my fears But I do it anyway because my fears don’t own my life. I do. It is absolutely OK to fail. Give yourself permission to fail. More successful a person is, higher is the chances of failure.
Let’s understand why we fear something. We fear a thing because we associate it with pain … right. We fear failure because we associate it with pain. For eg… if I fail at a venture or a relationship… people will make fun of me and that will be painful. So to avoid being made fun of I don’t try a new venture or get out of a bad relationship. I will share one of the many powerful exercises I share with my clients whom I coach. Ready… If you are holding yourself from doing something because of some fear… Write down…What is the worst that can happen?? You try something and you fail…
Fail spectacularly… so take a moment and ask yourself… What is the worst case scenario in your mind? I am sharing the top 5 scenarios which constantly come up as a result of this exercise.
Fear no 1. Your close and extended family, friends, colleagues may laugh at you. There may be people who are in competition with you and you desperately want to prove it to them that how cool you are and when you fail they will make fun of you.
Fear 3. You feel that you are not good enough at whatever you want to do. You actually do not have confidence in your dreams.
Fear 4: A lot of people don’t even realise that they are scared of standing out from the crowd. When we go through deeper sessions, this fear comes out After watching this session, why don’t you try this. Find out if this is the reason why you hold yourself back from doing what you really want to do. If this is the reason why you fear failure
Fear 5: Not making enough money from your project. I would love to know If there are any more reasons behind your fear of failure. Pls, share it in the comments below. As I had said, this is just one of the ways to deal with the fear of failure. But if you do this sincerely and make the critical connection between fear of failure and pain… you will definitely make good progress. All these different kind of fear have one outcome in our mind…. we associate failure with suffering, with pain. And to save ourselves from the perceived pain …
We stop ourselves from doing what we really want. To quote Jim Carrey… “There is a huge difference between the dog that is going to eat you in your mind and the actual dog going to eat you.” People are pretty creative when they start imagining all the horrible things which can happen to them and which, most thankfully, never happen. But in the process they let their fears write the story of their life. All the 5 points I mentioned above can also happen while you are busy playing it safe and doing something which you don’t want to do in the first place. A lot of students do engineering and hate every moment of it, while what they really want to do could be…
Creative writing. A lot of people are married and hate the person they are married to. So, are they successful?? I don’t know. The answer depends on the person’s definition of success. If being married is someone idea’s of success then they are successful even if they are married to someone they won’t ever be friends with, but if the definition is being happily married then they have failed. My point is… we can also fail at what we don’t really want.
So why not give ourselves the chance of doing what we really really want to do. If you want to learn how to play the guitar… you have to start playing the guitar. If you want to learn how to speak a language… you have to start speaking it. Similarly, if you want to learn how to deal with failure you have to start by being ok with failing. our fears are here… in our mind and we keeping making it more and more powerful by feeding it with the worst case scenario. Who knows your failure may lead you to the best life which you could’ve ever imagined. Nobody knows the future but what we do in the present moment will shape our next moment. Treat your fear like dementors in Harry Potter and defeat them by laughing at it.
As found on Youtube